Anti-shaming tactics (COUNTERmanipulation 101)

Dear Sir,

Have you ever been made to feel like you should be ashamed of yourself?
Have you ever been made to feel ashamed of how you (re)acted in front of a woman?
Or have you ever been made to feel ashamed about something you said that applied to one or multiple women?
Have you ever felt confused how such an angelic looking creature like a woman, and a beast like yourself can switch roles so easily where she is the one hurting you?
Have you ever wondered how it is so easy for that angel face to turn into a sadistic creature trying to destroy you from the inside, and you into feeling almost like a helpless innocent little animal that keeps getting poked by her, with no way to defend yourself because she makes you feel shit about yourself?

Imagine you are no longer deceived by the gentle voice, the soft features and those long wavy hairs, into believing that all such angelic looking creatures can bring you closer to heaven.
I am not denying that when you meet the right woman, being with her can make you feel closer to heaven on earth: I am just warning to stay open for the possibility many women (as men) can make you feel closer to hell as well. Not all demons have horns: appearances may deceive.

Just imagine you can feel good to do and say whatever you want to say in the presence of a woman, without being shamed and filtering yourself. Without being tricked to feel like you are immature, a monster, a creep, a coward, a narcissist, a misogynist, not a real man, that you are unreasonable, that something is wrong with you, and who knows what more women have accused you of, or what negative suggestions about yourself they planted in your head and attached to your self-image…

Well, now you can arm yourself for this psychological battle that you didn’t know was waged against you.

To defend yourself against shaming tactics, follow this three step process:

1 – know when to expect being shamed
2 – recognize the shaming
3 – counter
4 – work on your inner game, your mindset.

Below these matters are discussed in more detail.

STEP 1) When can you expect to be shamed?
– When you are being nerdily friendly and way too kind.
– When in doing the human mating ‘dance’, you skipped a step, hesitated too long or moved too fast.
– When she wants to see if she can control you and tell you how you should behave and be like
– When she is interested in you.
– When your arguments make more sense than hers, and she realizes this.
– When you honestly express you are very unhappy about something she did (or didn’t) do, and how that made you feel unhappy.
– When you mention your sexual fantasies, but you forgot to insinuate she can use that to turn you on, and you forgot to make her fantasize how much she will enjoy it.
– When you refuse to cater to her sexual fantasies.
– When she cannot get you hard in a split second.
– When she is in a bad mood.
– When she is bored.
– When you are in a relationship and everything is going too smooth for too long and she is in need of some drama.

STEP 2) How to recognize that you are being shamed?

You may think that this is the easiest part and not much words are needed to explain this. But the truth is, we men often recognize that we were being shamed after the facts. Even if you have a PhD in psychology, or are capable of distilling and writing down all shaming tactics of manipulative people, you can assume that the majority of women have years of practical experience in shaming each other ahead of them and that often you will be too late to realize you have been tricked. After all, they have been using psychological warfare since they were little kids amongst each other.
Here are some tips:
– when you feel you should be sorry for what you did or said, or are made to feel ashamed or embarrassed of your actions or even for yourself as a person, ask yourself: does any of the points listed in step 1 apply to you? If yes, skip to step 3.
– when only in hindsight you recognize you were manipulated through shaming tactics, don’t worry about noticing it too late. Make a mental note, or better yet: make a written note analyzing the situation, the way the other person shamed you, and come up with one way you think you could possibly have neutralized the shaming in this particular situation. By doing so, if you encounter a similar situation in the future, you will be better prepared to recognize and counteract the other’s shaming tactics immediately.
– when you are a man with recurring moments of self-hate or misogyny, you likely have been overdosed on shaming by multiple women and are suffering from mild to severe PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). To overcome this, you need to study the countertactics for shaming, and paradoxically you need to interact with as many women as possible and sometimes purposely elicit situations where you will be shamed, so the intentional exposure where you know when to expect shaming blunts you to the negative psychological effects of shaming.


STEP 3) Shaming counter-tactics

You need to distinguish two main ways to defend yourself: on the one hand you will have a need against very specific situation bound shaming tactics, and on the other hand you need to be prepared to counter general shaming tactics.

So first let’s discuss how to deal with situation-bound shaming.

When you are angry (or share how you have been angry at someone before)
– Expect: “Do you have anger issues?” (or a variation thereof)
⇒ Counter-tactic: “No, not at all. As you can see I am merely expressing an emotion to you crossing my personal boundaries. I am not harming you in any way: I have the right to express emotions, just like you.”

– Expect: her pretending she is afraid of you
⇒ Counter-tactic: “As you can see, yes I am angry, but NO I am NOT harming you. So if you fear me, that is not due to me, but due to your imagination. (Anger is not the same as violence. Anger is an emotion. Violence an action.) I am just angry because you crossed my boundary.”

– Expect: that she pretends to be hurt
⇒ Counter-tactic: “Girl, let’s be clear about one thing: I am angry because you hurt me, not the other way around, so stop acting like a victim. Stop those tears and start by apologizing and giving me a hug, and then my anger will go away quicker than anything, and you will be fine too.”

When you show temporary sadness or discomfort
– Expect: “You are too sensitive” (or a variation thereof) + “just like [the pussy boy] I talked to you about”/”more than any guy or girl I have ever met”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “You never cry? I am just feeling bad at the moment, because only just now I experienced something shitty. I am sure I will be fine later today, but I just wanted to express this instead of hide it behind a mask. If you think it is unreasonable for me to feel and express emotions, then please leave.”

– Expect: “Do you often feel like this?” (or any remark indirectly or more directly insinuating your emotion is a sign of a mental health problem)
⇒ Counter-tactic: “No, not really: only when I really care about something and things don’t work out. When do you feel sad?”

When you express frustration over something
– Expect: “You are overgeneralizing”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “It’s only called overgeneralization if it is not a general rule. So far every girl did [X] under condition [Y], but if you want to prove me that is not a general rule, go  ahead and be different. I wouldn’t mind if you prove me wrong. Just know that words alone are not going to change my mind.” (“And if you think the reason they did that is due to something different entirely, please enlighten me.”)

– Expect: “I am not like that. I don’t like that you say I am the same as every other girl.”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “First of all: I recognize your individual uniqueness. I am not saying you are generic. I am just saying that as long as on area [X] you are doing the same as other girls did to me, then I will not lie to myself or you, and will not say you are different on that area from any other girl I have experience with. If you don’t like that truth, change the facts. It’s up to you”

With any emotion she doesn’t want you to express
– Expect: “You shouldn’t be feeling this way!”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “Hey, listen: a feeling is a feeling. If I could change it, I would. But I can’t.”

When you are winning an argument using logic
– Expect: “You are just to good in coming up with reasons and excuses, but you are wrong.”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “I am giving you a fair chance to provide me with logical arguments against the point I am making. If you cannot do that, then I think I am closer to the truth than you are.”

– Expect: “You are too extreme.”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “How so? Because I have a different point of view than you?”

When you counter her manipulation
– Expect: “You are just emotionally blackmailing me.”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “Really? I actually thought you were doing that to me. How strange is that, right? But since you are the expert on manipulation here, let’s both assume that I was the one manipulating.”

After she flirted with you
– Expect: “I am not sure if I can trust you” (or “I don’t know you well enough*”)
⇒ Counter-tactic: Look her in one of her eyes, smile, move in and while the two of you continue, just say: “You are right. We shouldn’t be doing this”,
or say with a naughty smile: “I don’t know if I can trust you. Will you be nice to me?”
(*We never know anyone, not even ourselves, so this objection is false. See my blogpost on when do we ever know anyone here.)

– Expect: “I don’t want you to get false hopes”
⇒ Counter-tactic: Assume it is true. Sleep with another girl and make sure the girl who said to you not to get false hopes, gets to know about your escapade. That way she is reassured you are not hoping for anything from her. And if she gets jealous, she will realize she does want something more from you, but she can’t really complain because she has not committed to a relationship with you anyways.

– Expect: “You are a really nice guy. You should just go and have some fun with girls. I am looking for something more serious right now.”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “I know that I am nice. And actually I had sex just last weekend.
Why are you saying what you are looking for though?
You didn’t think I was hoping for something with you, did you? Hahaha. No, I am sorry: you are more like a mother figure to me with whom I can share my feelings. I don’t talk this way to girls I am interested in.”

– Expect: “I want a guy who knows what he wants.”/”I am not sure what I want”
⇒ Counter-tactic: guy, stay silent this time! No clever come-backs! Instead, look her in the eyes and just kiss her! (If she rejects, just say “I am sorry. I had to try.”)

In sex
Women can be extreme hypocrites when it comes down to sex. That is kind of sad, because even though sex is not the most important thing, it is definitely the most basic thing to express and enjoy a genuine connection. Me personally, I lose my mood to have sex with a girl entirely if she is a hypocrite, and so my preferred mode of response is not to continue aiming for something she doesn’t want to do anyway, but instead just make her feel how she makes me feel.
I have come up with all of these counter-tactics, a few while writing but most I have tried and tested. Ever since, my sex life is a lot more satisfactory and I bump into a lot less walls, and the girls end up satisfied too. My romantic life on the other hand… I don’t know: girls seem to separate sex and love, as I wrote before in this blogpost.

If you are going to implement the tips below, remember at all times that it is not her obligation to do anything. At the same time, neither is it your obligation to avoid that she ever feels how she makes you feel. She is free to do what she wants, and so are you! We live in a world of equal rights. Just don’t rape, but for the rest you can be just as rude as she is, and you are free to let her experience how she makes you feel. Sex is about both people enjoying. I am aware that many men just care about getting off and care very little to make a woman feel pleased, but equally much women just go on a dickhunt when they feel horny, or just ‘happen’ to end up in bed with a guy they just met when they are traveling or whatever.
When I was still relatively sexually inexperienced, if I would please a woman first, I noticed the chances that she would please me were reduced. When asked if she ever did for other men what she didn’t do for me, she said ‘yes’. And when asked if those men did anything I did for her it was always ‘no’, or ‘at some point after that’. When I got better with women, I noticed they did a lot of things for me and complained why I wasn’t like the guy who texted them goodmorning everyday, or how they once met a guy that went down on her and how it good it felt and why the fuck I wouldn’t do that automatically. So, I asked them whether they ever pleased the guy in all the ways they did for me, and the answer was invariably ‘no’. I thought to myself: “Well, that is why I am not doing all that stuff for you, even though I kind of feel compelled to. If you are not reinforcing the behavior you want, and you reward the behavior you don’t want, guess which one I will pick?”

– Expect: “I want to take it slow this time”, or “It’s too soon”, or “The conditions prevent me”, while at the same time the juice is dripping from between her legs and she is desperate to see you again very soon.
(I.e., there is a discrepancy between her rational choice and her feelings, which means she is into manipulation mode)
⇒ Counter-tactic:
First of all, stop dichotomising women into ‘easy’ girls and ‘nice’ girls. Every girl at some point in her life will feel comfortable and excited enough to go to bed with a guy who spent very little effort and time on her before getting there. Whether after a serious relationship, on holiday, as a teen, or just because she was in that phase of her life. If you are one of those guys to her, then know it is very likely you are more sexy to her than the majority of men she will ever meet, and therefore she is actually less likely to ever want sex as much with another man as with you, less likely to deceive you sexually, and is a good catch in terms of sexual loyalty. (Unless of course she goes to bed with every other guy that fast or even faster.)
Next, don’t do what I did: I refused dating any girl a third time and broke all contact if by the second time we met, she gave a clue she liked me a lot but sex was not coming anytime soon. On one hand, it did assure that I got all my sex fast with the girls I had sex with (third, second or even first time of meeting in real life), but on the other, I threw away some opportunities to grow in experience with women. That was simply because I used to get so annoyed that girls show interest but then start playing the waiting game where they suck up your attention indefinitely without you having any clue when the sex is coming and making feel that sex is very conditional.
Now occassionally I can appreciate the slow build-up if I really feel something for the girl, and assuming it implies I get to have more privileges in the end than any other guy ever got from her. But still, I fear a little that doing a concession on one part of sex (throwing away my fantasy of having sex with her shortly after first meeting and without investing tons of times BEFOREhand) will make me more demanding in another part later on. I need a girl who can deal with that without making me concede a second time on throwing away my other fantasies.

– Expect: “Ew! Don’t put your penis/sperm on my skin/my face/my hair!”

⇒ Counter-tactic: Say as weak-heartedly as possible “I’m sooo sorry. I didn’t know you would get so upset about this”. Then next time you two get intimate, start fingering her and then when she is close to orgasm pretend it is the first time you notice there is liquid lubricating her vagina (just pretend you assumed a vagina is naturally smooth inside all the time), and that this is the first time you notice her body juice is all over your finger(s). React with shock and disgust and stop immediately with fingering. Just remember: role reversal is a very good way to get hypocrite sexist women out of your life. It is not revenge; it is embodied empathy: she gets to feel what she made you feel.
Only if you squirt in her eyes should you provide a genuine apology, because that is really uncomfortable for at least half an hour, and will leave her eyes red for even longer. For all other places on her body you can offer to have a shower together and offer to help her wash it off: she shouldn’t make it such a big deal if she really likes you. Try to avoid her hair, but still: she shouldn’t ruin your pleasure and make a drama for that if it does end up there occassionally. I mean: she washes her hair to look good for her colleagues and all kind of people who don’t give even half as much a shit about her as you do. If she can’t wash her hair for you: move on.
By the way, sperm is like the best anti-wrinkle cream you can find. (Or why do you think even the dickhead of an 80 year old guy’s shrivelled penis is still smooth and shiny while the rest of his body is covered in wrinkles?) Seriously: both when applied externally, or when ingested internally it keeps women looking young. Not mentioning names here, but one now 36 (soon 37) year old woman who enjoyed the privileges of my handmade anti-wrinkle cream for about 11 years seriously looks like a 20 year old. Both her parents looked older at her age, so it really is due to an external factor she still looks this young, and not due to genetics. Chinese taoist practices actually make the same claim and say that for women ingesting sperm is the best anti-ageing product available.

Conditional sex
– Expect: I only do [X] if you do [X]

⇒ Counter-tactic: NEVER accept a condition where you need to do what you first told her you would like her to do. Just let her know what you would enjoy (don’t ask politely: it kills her mood), remind her regularly, and make sure to refuse her equally much requests as she refuses you. (I know we guys are much more eager to please girls than they are to please us, and it may be hard to refuse even things you don’t really like all that much, but heck: learn to refuse girls. They have no problem doing it, so they should have no problem being refused.)
Also: you should NOT be pro-active in sex! You want HER to be proactive and do things without you first needing to ask. Counterintuitively, she doesn’t become proactive if you are do stuff without her asking and without her working to earn it. Strangely if you don’t do anything, she does more.
Once she does everything what every woman knows guys like, you can stop holding yourself back and give her all the pleasures you wanted to give her from the start as a reinforcer of her behavior.
E.g., if you enjoy that she swallows, do NOT accept that she asks you to swallow your own cum first.
Or if you are really curious to know if going anal with your penis feels any different from vaginal and if you are curious to see if it is less disgusting than you used to imagine, do NOT accept that she says that she first wants to put her finger up your ass. And don’t let her slide her fingers there without permission either: if you have to ask for permission to do it to her, so does she to do it to you. Girls very often don’t ask permission for anything and expect yes for anything.
You may wonder now: why not accept her conditions? Well, unfortunately, if you accept a condition from a girl that she rationally decided is only fair, she will have as non-rational, emotional response to you doing it a decreased amount of respect for you and a decreased pleasure in doing it with you. She doesn’t anticipate she will feel this way until the moment you first agree, and not until she actually first feels her emotional response to you agreeing. You agreeing to meet her conditions to get what you want, will suddenly make her feel you are really desperate, and that is just a turn off for girls. (If a girl is desperate to see me happy, I find that a huge turn on so that is why it is okay to wait for girls to be pro-active: they will not suffer negative consequences. As a man, you will.)
You can try to swallow your cum, but not because she asks. I did when I was a teenager, because my parents would not let me keep toilet paper or Kleenex in my room, and I didn’t want them to guess by me walking to the toilet to know exactly when I was fapping. According to Chinese sexual Taoist practices however, swallowing male body juices is not good for men (yang destroys yang), but swallowing female body juices is (yin replenishes yang), so I don’t swallow my own cum anymore. But taste-wise there is nothing really disgusting about it. Texture is nice and smooth, a little sticky, like molten caramel but with a different taste. For women, both female and male body juices can be good for health according to taoist sexual practices (both yin and yang can replenish her natural yin essence).
Likewise, anal stimulation with heterosexual guys can feel good due to the prostate, and you might be curious about feeling how it feels, but in no way make her see her stimulating you as you accepting a condition of her for being allowed to stimulate her there.
TLDR: Don’t take her conditions, be patient, and if she absolutely never does what you would like, see the next point.

– Expect: “I don’t do [X] ever”

⇒ Counter-tactic:
First, realize this: all humans, that includes women, are naturally curious. If they haven’t yet experienced something, they are generally rather easily convinced to try. If they absolute insist they do not do something, it means they tried before and someone gave them a bad experience. (This is true for: sex with someone you have met not long prior, oral sex, having had body juice in your mouth, swallowing it, and anal. So if she says: I don’t do that, it means she has done it for someone out of her life, and is not prepared to do it for someone who might still stay in it.)
She is under no obligation to do for you what she did for another man, and also, if she doesn’t really want to do something, it is not enjoyable to do it with her anyways (at least from my perspective).
Do realize however that if she says ‘no’ while she does talk or give hints about her wishes for a lasting relationship or how much she likes you, then there is quite some discrepancy between her words and her actions, and between her own desires and her willingness to do what it takes to achieve them. Moreover, if she is prepared to lie to you about sex (not having done something that she did do), she is not someone you want to keep. Also, if she doesn’t want to let you try once the full-blown thing of something she knows would make you happy, then that means there are limits to how happy she wants you.
Me personally, I find it hard to monogamously commit to such a girl, no matter how hard I try. Nevertheless, you have the option to stay with her forever if she is perfect in every other way, and you can get that pleasure you want to experience with another girl. Just like she is under no obligation to do you anything she doesn’t want to, you are under no obligation to limit your sexual experience (and thereby do what you don’t want to) simply because the girl who refuses you already explored her sexuality before she met you. She did it earlier, and you didn’t limit or judge her for it, so she should accept you do it while you are with her, and if she doesn’t want to do it for you she should accept you do it with another girl. Fair is fair.

– Expect: “If you can continue to see other girls, I can see other guys. Either we are both monogamous, or we both aren’t.”

⇒ Counter-tactic: “Hey, I am not going to be a hypocrite: if I see girls and have fun with them, you can also have sex with other girls. And if you want to be sure that in the end I will always pick you over any other girl, I can bring them along so you can see that for me those girls are coming and going, but you are always going to be there. And you are free to do the same with the girls you will have sex with. I will even be so generous to help you two out if you are in need of g-spot stimulation with a dildo like object, so be grateful. But I am not having sex with any other guys, so neither am I going to accept that you do.” 😀

False accusation
– Expect: “I just realized you are pressuring me, because I am considering to do things for you that I never did for another guy.”

⇒ Counter-tactic: “I am not holding a knife to your throat. I am just expressing what I like. That you are considering to do things you never did is not a sign of pressure: it is a sign you like me more than any other guy. At least, if you act on it.
In any case, you have freedom to chose what you do and don’t do: don’t worry about that. Just realise that I too have the same right: that is not a threat, that is gender equality. And I just want you to know that one of the things I absolutely don’t do, is to commit monogamously for the rest of my life to a girl who is sexually incompatible in the start of the relationship. That is because especially in the start of the relationship I find this an important indicator of just how much a girl feels happy to see me happy. And if I really like her, but she doesn’t want me happy, then all I can do is to ignore my feelings for her, so I can stick to my core values. No matter how painful that is to me now, I know that in the long run it will benefit my peace of mind.”

Oral sex hypocrisy
– Expect: her spitting out your cum and washing her mouth after oral sex, finishing oral sex before you say stop if you don’t stay hard or can’t cum eventhough you are enjoying, and giving her fakest smile to make clear this costs her a lot of effort and you owe her now.

⇒ Counter-tactic: do the same! Lick her, stop halfway unexpectedly. Run to the bathroom, make some gagging and spitting noises and wash your mouth, and give her your fakest smile ever. I guarantee you she will start crying and wondering what the fuck she did to deserve this, while she never considered you might feel the same shitty feeling when she did that to you.
Or just walk out on her there and then.

If you can’t get or stay hard at a moment she really wants you to
– Expect: her to stop trying, turn her back or claim that you have a problem
⇒ Counter-tactic:  You don’t have to do much here: she is mainly digging her own hole and conditioning you to be soft in her presence, which means she doesn’t get to enjoy you as much as other girls do. You will notice that with other girls who touch you for as long as you like regardless of how soft or hard you are, girls that stay engaged until you cum, and never make a problem out of anything and are never in a rush, you will more often than not get a serious boner.
If you do want the one who is bitchy to empathize with what the fuck she is doing, you can slip your hands between her legs without foreplay first, and upon first touching it will naturally not be wet yet. Make her very aware of her being dry, stop trying to touch her, and claim she has a problem.
(Personally, when a girl is concerned over not being able to get wet, I always reassure them everything is smooth and normal, even when it is not yet like that. Guess what? It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: she becomes wet because she stops worrying about GETTING wet, and starts enjoying without any attention for her levels of wetness. Sometimes it takes very long, but if you are really patient you get there. Some women don’t get men work the same way.)

Above we have discussed most of the counter-tactics to a variety of situation-bound shaming, so now we will proceed with counter-tactics for general shaming.

Calling you a creep
– Expect: “You are (so) weird”, or “You are (so) creepy”

⇒ Counter-tactic: “Thank you: I had hoped you would notice. It costs me a lot of effort to come across as such, even though I make it look so natural.”

Psychoanalysing you to conclude you are a coward
– Expect: “You behave like this because deep down you are afraid”, or “you are such a coward!”

⇒ Counter-tactic: Look down as if you are admitting defeat, then suddenly , give your angriest look and loudest growl while at the same time you surge forward till only a few inches from her face, and clap your hands together as loud as you can. As fear sets in her eyes, start smiling and say: “Haha. What were you saying again? Who is afraid here?”

Calling you a misogynist
– Expect: “You are a misogynist”
“Do you hate women?”
“You should respect women more”
“You should know women have the right to …[everything she shames you for]”, etc…
⇒ Counter-tactic: “No, I only hate people that hurt me. A number of them happen to be women.
I strongly believe in equal rights. So if any particular woman has the right to generalize her experience with men or make me feel shit, I have the right to the same to her. That does not make me a misogynist.” + list all the ways in which she is actually the sexist here. (For examples of how women can be sexist, see this website)

Alluding to your male ‘privileges’
– Expect: “You are just afraid of losing your male privileges”, or “Oh, your fragile male ego”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “We’re ALL privileged in some form or other, and those who try to draw attention to “invisible privilege” in others are not merely blind to their own invisible privilege, but actively try to deny that it even exists.”
If necessary, add:
“But yes I do enjoy the privilege of having no say about what happens after a woman gets pregnant after intercourse with me. Because of virtue of my gender, by default I will have to agree to abort a baby even if I want to keep it, and to bring a child into the world and be responsible for it even if I don’t want to have a child with that particular woman.
I also enjoy many privileges in case I get battered by a woman:
* both society and law will assume I must have deserved it
* the privilege of not being allowed to defend myself
* the privilege of people that would support a woman in the very same situation to automatically presume I must have been physically aggressive first and question my innocence,
* and the privilege of the abuse aimed at me not being taken seriously and even of being ridiculed.
Furthermore, in private affairs, as a man I am privileged to much more likely be denied liberty in my freedom of movement and have a restraining order imposed merely based on a false accusation if I seriously anger a woman, or if I get involved with someone who is void of empathy and wants to bully me, than if I were to falsely accuse a woman similarly.
In family affairs I am privileged to be denied custody over my own children if their mother wishes to falsely accuse me of anything that makes me deemed unfit, whereas if I would make the same accusation about her, she wouldn’t necessarily be deemed unfit.
In sex, I am so privileged that I actually have to go through trial and error and tons of rejections, and studying how other men who are more successful in this area go about, which all might contribute to make me question whether my favorable self-perception is illusory. That is a very huge privilege in comparison to a woman who on average in her whole life will be rejected at most 10 times or so, gets to feel she is hot, sexy and pretty even when she is way below average in looks and has zero accomplishments or ambitions, and always knows whether time invested will translate into the combination of emotional AND physical connection, and when the physical part might take place, or whether it will never be more than an emotional connection.
Men also have the privilege of belonging to that gender, when if someone of the opposite gender accuses us of rape, it can ruin our whole life within days, and have lifelong consequences for our career and private life, regardless of whether that accusation is true or not.
Moreover, for the same criminal acts, as a man I have the privilege of getting a more severe punishment by law than a woman who has committed the same criminal act.
In other words, we men are so fucking privileged and have absolutely no serious systematic disadvantages, right?”

Demonizing you for owning a penis
– Expect: “You are a man. I don’t trust men.”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “You mean you also don’t trust your own dad? I am sorry to hear that.”
 Expect: “Men are predators: they just want one thing.”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “I appreciate your interest in biology. There are so many people that don’t know that humans, regardless of gender, are the top predator. I mean, did they never notice that every predator has the eyes in front (like us humans), and that every animal of prey, has the eyes on the side of the skull (like rabbits)? Glad you are smarter.
And I don’t know about other men, but I do agree that I just want one thing from a woman: to be happy together and share happy moments together.”

Saying you are not a real man
– Expect: “You are not a real man if you [don’t show the behavior I want you to]”
or: “Real men do [what she wants to trick you into doing for her]”
or: “Real men are [whatever she wants you to be to her]”

⇒ Counter-tactic: “I hate to break this to you, but anyone with an X and a Y chromosome is real man darling. Sorry for destroying your attempts at manipulating me.”

Accusing you of narcissism
– Expect: “You only think of yourself” or “You are a narcissist”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “Tell me, have you ever taken a picture of yourself?”
Regardless of what she answers you can say: “I see. And that has nothing to do with narcissism, right? It has nothing to do with you being so self-obsessed that you want/don’t want a picture of yourself.”
Or you can try this: “That’s the paradox of love. I was told that to get love you have to love yourself, but then whenever I get something with a girl, every girl invariably accuses me of loving myself too much. I think you just don’t know what you want. In any case, yes, I love myself, and even make love to myself nearly every night. Deal with it.”
Or try this: “A hundred years ago, if a woman didn’t do what a man wanted, he would call her hysterical so she was more likely to do what he wanted to prove she is not. It’s not because you replaced the word ‘hysterical’ with ‘narcissist’ that your attempt at manipulation goes unnoticed. I am sorry, but this cheap trick will not help you to make me do what you want.”

Accusing you of being immature
– Expect: “At your age you should want [whatever she wants you to be for her] and stop [doing the thing she has been doing all along, e.g., having casual sex]”
or “Grow up! You are too old for this sort of stuff!”
⇒ Counter-tactic: “Everyone follows their own path through life. If you don’t want to be part of my path, move aside.” Or: “You are just jealous of my youthful innocence and courage that you have lost, aren’t you?”

Crocodile tears
– Expect: Her starting to cry, sit in some corner acting all victimized and accusing you of having hurt her feelings.
⇒ Counter-tactic: “Do you need a pacifier? Because down my pants I have something similar on which you can suck until you feel calm.” (I didn’t test this yet, but if she slaps you in response, that is domestic violence, and if she bites, sexual assault.)

4) Anti-shaming mindset


See it as a fun game
The goal of the game is to dodge as many shaming bullets as possible. It doesn’t matter if she is amused by your response, as long as you are amusing yourself.

Confirm, then exaggerate
If she accuses you of anything, one general strategy can be to not even try to deny it. Just confirm how true her accusation is, and then exaggerate the ‘evidence’ to ridicule her.

Instead of making her accusation into an obvious joke, you can question in all seriousness what exactly those words mean, collect arguments against her statement, etc. There is nothing that drives a woman more crazy than a calm logical response when she is trying to flame you.

Make her realize that you can see through her attempts of manipulation
If she knows that you know what is going on, most likely she will go into plausible deniability mode. Don’t let that bother you: it is just important for her to know she can’t bullshit and manipulate you so easily as other men.

Assume she likes you
True or not, this can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Just assume that if she shames you, she wants to see if you will stand up for yourself or not. If you do, you pass the test and she will like you more.


To learn more about female privilege check this question and the answers, as well as this answer to a different question on Quora.


3 thoughts on “Anti-shaming tactics (COUNTERmanipulation 101)

  1. Pingback: Three Machiavelian ways in which women manipulate others | braineggs

  2. Pingback: How to shame a guy – Manipulation 101 | braineggs

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