Superheroes, justice, and gender equality

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To some, Batman versus Superman – Dawn of Justice, may be nothing more than another entertaining action packed superhero movie. But to me, I can’t help but notice how it addresses gender issues that men have to face in modern society.

Yes, you heard me right: gender issues MEN have to face. While everyone with some education knows on gender issues that women have to deal with, it seems to me that many women, even well educated women are oblivious to the fact that men face other issues that women don’t.

In fact the whole superhero franchise is something that feeds on men’s aspirations as well as insecurities.

Men are supposed to be strong, unbreakable. Women and men are remorselessly cruel to men that show any sign of weakness.

It is undeniable that women swoon over the actors in superhero movies, such as the actor who plays Captain America, not for his uncanny acting ability, but merely because he looks the part. He looks like a real man. There is tremendous pressure on men to look manly. If you don’t believe me, and think only women have body issues, then please take a look at how many food supplements are out there for guys to buff up, how many guys spend a lifetime training at gyms (not always successfully, but still they try), doing sports, training martial arts, taking hormone supplements, and on pills to help getting erections, all just to live up to that inborn urge to be more attractive on those areas that women shallowly judge us on (strength, ability to protect and virility).

But while as a man you are never supposed to say your girlfriend is gaining weight, there is no such taboo for girls to tell their relatively well trained guy about the little bit of abdominal fat he has.
Same thing for sexual functioning: while as a guy you can want her to have an orgasm, you won’t start sighing, and if she doesn’t get wet, you just help her grab a lube. But in reverse, if you don’t get an orgasm when she really tries her best, she will get annoyed. And if you can’t get hard a few times, she will just stop trying, sigh some more, and your occassional problem becomes stigmatized with the word ‘disorder’ making you worry so much it becomes permanent. Pop a pill to get over your nerves and you are looked down on.
Is that gender equality? Seriously?

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Actor Chris Evans, better known as the actor who plays Captain America

 

But what I am talking about isn’t just physical strength and height, and virility. I was blessed physically, but I also used to be painfully shy and sensitive, which made my Chris Evans effect (swooning girls) last for only the initial meeting and then spiral downward from there on, unless I would spend endless one-on-one time with a girl. I can tell you, it is very good for your self-esteem knowing girls love you for your looks, but stop being interested once they get to see you a bit longer, and that after that they need so much more time than with an average guy to feel you are fuckable… Not.

There are plenty of scrawny men that are respected and who get laid by tons of girls. Those few scrawny, ugly, unambitious, unsuccessful, and/or short guys that do get consistent results, do so because they are so successful at portraying the image of a tough guy that never gets phased if shit happens. And that is what counts most. For a guy to get ahead in life, he needs to look like he is impervious to suffer from the frailties of his own human emotion. He is not supposed to have frailties nor emotions very much.

How many times have you heard women say that men are so good at separating sex and emotion? But is it really true? Every single girl I know has had casual sex at least once or more than once, by the age of thirty, usually much sooner. By choice! They are not the victims they pretend to be. “I was drunk” (after one glass), “He just used me and I thought he was for real” (after you met him in a nightclub seeing him chat with about everyone), “it wasn’t casual” (exactly how often did you have sex before stopping?). We guys also know you girls just play the innocent victim, the angel, and we think: really? I have to pretend I believe that in order to bang you and get to feel special about myself? OK!

Truth is: girls all knew well beforehand that the guy they bedded fast and pleased unconditionally was a player; these same girls had no feelings of love for him, just lust; and they banged him and sucked him of, let him cum in her mouth and who knows what else, because they didn’t want to be the one girl he didn’t like, the one girl he had no interest in, and the one girl who was prudish compared to the rest. They did not do it for love. Every woman once wanted such a player to make her feel sexually attractive, and so they just tried to make him feel special, offering sex as if it is a good that can be traded. And in reverse, girls also knew well from the start that the guy they let wait, the nerdy loser they intend to keep, would have also stayed with her and respected her if she would not have thrown out obstacles and not shamed him for his sexuality. It really are girls, not men who are capable to separate sex and emotion easily. Sometimes I think men pretend they have no feelings about the girl they have sex with, but really fall in love way too easily (that is why they keep distance afterwards, to prevent falling in love). And sometimes I believe women just pretend they have strong feelings for guys they have sex with, but initially really feel nothing much except lust. Prostitutes are not exceptional women capable of separating sex and love: they are just normal, common women who decided to use the female ability to separate sex and emotion to cash in on many men’s inability to separate sex from emotion. Some guys can do it, sure: but for many it is a learned ability.

Now, the point here is not that you have to agree with the above paragraph. The point is, if a girl says the reverse casually to a man (that men separate sex and emotion naturally), it is just a ‘fact’ that the man has to accept, but what was your reaction when you read this? Were you being a hypocrite? Were you having a strong emotional response to me saying about women, what women say about men? Yes? And do you have the same strong emotional response when you hear someone say this about men? No? Then admit to yourself you are a hypocrite, with double standards, and a sexist. Please don’t call yourself someone who believes in equal rights if you responded with strong feelings of disbelief or whatever to the claim about women. If you have an emotional response to statements about women, but not about men, then you are a sexist who deep down absolutely does not believe in equal rights.

But back to our point: you still don’t believe that guys are no better than girls at separating sex from emotion? I know tons of guys who felt confused, hurt, or used after a woman had sex with them and then she told him: “I’m sorry, you are really kind to me, but I don’t think I love you” or her just breaking all contact after a brief period of passion. I have had it too. But what happens if a guy says it really upset him? What if he shows he has emotions? Will other girls who know this and were initially sexually attracted and willing think: yes, I am still going to please this guy sexually and make him feel special like when I didn’t yet know he is so sensitive? The answer: no. They will change their mind.

Girls shame sensitive guys for their sexuality, especially if a girl wants a relationship with such a guy. If I show I have emotions for a girl early on, she will say “this time I want to take it slow”. (Implying that with another guy who is out of her life, she didn’t have the urge to let him wait and did not shame him for his sexuality.) Then after spending tons of hours on her one on one, money on dates and who knows what, you get to have sex with the feeling it is more conditional than for her previous sex partners. That is absolutely NOT a cool feeling. And when you are showing her you have emotions, and care for what she thinks, then with every single type of sexual act, you always get to battle rejection first and be shamed for wanting it.

I can tell you, as a guy you get to feel very not special if you get denied sex by someone who says she likes you: you feel tricked, and dumb for liking her. And as a girl too: if a guy doesn’t want to shove his dick in you when you want it, don’t you have at least a tiny itching very uncomfortable feeling deep inside of self doubt that you might not be all that attractive and special in his eyes? Well, we guys have that feeling too, and you girls give us this feeling most when we try to be honest to you about our emotions, about our insecurities, about the shit we did when trying to figure out life and trying to reach happiness, and about wanting to feel special. Ever wonder why guys sometimes think they have to lie to be liked?

What happens if I as a guy seem unphasable? Then girls just suddenly want to go to bed with me on the first or second time of meeting, They want to suck my dick. I don’t even have to ask. They make me feel like it is their greatest pleasure. They want to swallow. They are open to let me at least try anal. They are not very jealous if I go on to another girl, or for any of the girls I banged before. And they might even be open to a threesome.

But if you show her you are sensitive keeper material who wants to treat that very same, to another man very sexually accommodating girl respectfully, and you show her you want to put your time in her and deal with her emotional tsunamis for a significant part of your life voluntarily? Forget it! When you are prepared to do that, the girl senses it and she will let you bash your self-esteem into one wall after another, just for a little bit of satisfaction she gladly provided to someone who is out of her life, but cannot even bare to provide to the guy she says she wants to ‘get to know’, and she can imagine being with ‘for the long term’. As a sensitive, caring guy you aren’t even desiring more than another guy: just the same. Same speed, same lack of rejections, same pleasures. To her, you desiring to be treated equal (rather than better) is a sign you are lowly, not high on the hierarchy. And someone low is easy to reject.

Now, with guys self-worth being linked to sexuality, we get to feel like we are really worth less of a fuck when we are sensitive as compared to a guy who isn’t, especially if the girl’s words (“I want to get to know you”, “I want to see you”, “I am looking for something serious”, “I like you”) are a mismatch with her sexual eagerness (“let’s wait”, “I have to be home early”). So we guys learn to blunt the expression of our emotions and aim just for gettings sex. And it is all just because we want to feel special too, and because we men can’t help that when a girl pleases us sexually, we feel we are special. Guys just blunt their emotions in the hope they won’t get pissed on by everyone. Guys blunt the expression of emotions so they get to feel any girl they want thinks he is awesome and desirable, even if all he wants is just one particular girl to give him that feeling.

In short: men learn to suppress emotion, not because they enjoy it so much, but because they get lower on the hierarchy if they show it. And down that hierarchy, no one gives them respect, and everyone tries to keep them there. It is not a nice place to be: down there you see that the girls you invest time in, and treat respectfully, have zero interest in you. When they have interest, they suddenly lose it. Those very same girls decide to have some fun with one guy after the other who does neither for them: no time investment, and not really caring for her. They respect others, not you.

And it is not just women that teach men to stop expressing emotions and appearing tough and unshakeable. When an emotionally expressive guy hangs out with male friends, these so called friends will feel free to take a piss on him. Even kids take a piss on emotionally expressive guys. Family does too. It hurts a guy’s self-image a lot to know that when you try your best, and try to be honest in communicating with people you try to have a relationship with, you just get shit.

And that is what the Batman vs Superman movie is about: about heroes who try to do their best, and they just get shit for it in return. About how it feels to be a man with good intentions. And how society just sets well intending guys up against each other.

And stupidly, these heroes, these men, keep on trying.

It used to be the story of my life. And I am sure other guys face similar sexist pressures that force them to chose between two evils.

(FYI, the two evils are: [1] feeling love and loyalty for a girl, while being shamed by that same girl for wanting the same sex she had with others – fast, oral, cumming in her mouth, being pleased unconditionally in whatever way you want, and not being denied sex with others after many years together once interest starts to fade, or [2] all the sex you want with as many girls as you want, but loneliness and battling through tons of rejections)

Doing his best but getting shit in return is how the following guy decided to become ‘bad’ while deep inside he just wants to be good:

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For anyone not familiar with Megamind: he is an antihero who whenever he tries doing good is made to feel bad for it, and thus comes to the natural conclusion he should redirect his intention to be real good, on being real good at being bad

It is not without a reason Megamind is my favorite supervillain: he wants to do good, but gets to be made feeling bad for it. So he does whatever it takes to get the good feelings that he deserves. He does not surrender his will to expectations of society: the expectation of being good, when being bad brings him what society promised but didn’t give when he was being good.


 

If you want to know more about these so called claims of gender inequality and double standards where men face issues women don’t:

http://www.alternet.org/story/147779/5_things_society_unfairly_expects_of_men

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/27/domestic-violence-social-experiment_n_5398021.html

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One thought on “Superheroes, justice, and gender equality

  1. Pingback: Anti-shaming tactics (COUNTERmanipulation 101) | braineggs

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