This post is about threesomes – it’s my blog, and I am a sexual guy foremost, so if you don’t like it, sod off.
If you want a person to really be dedicated to you and your happiness, help them self-actualize. WARNING! If you do this, the person is going to be so dedicated to you, that when you break up they will be prepared to wait indeterminately for the two of you to get back together again!
Very few people in shorter term relationships actually ever get beyond the part of valuing someone for who (s)he is, and do never get to the actively contributing to the self-actualisation part. The majority of the couples that stay together and do contribute to self-actualisation do so mostly by passively allowing their partner to self-actualize. Actively helping your partner out to achieve what is important to them, is going to make you far more valuable to your partner than passively allowing it.
So what is self-actualisation? Self-actualisation refers to being able to try living up to your aspirations, your dreams, what is important to you. So if you help someone self-actualize, you help them with their attempt to live up to their aspirations, dreams and whatever is important to them.
Why is actively helping the partner self-actualize so rarely done? It is because people may have the self-insight to know what they dream of, but may initially lack the self-understanding necessary to understand why they have that dream. And for a partner not knowing the underlying reason, but only the superficial desire, it may sometimes make it harder to accept fulfilling a dream.
I am going to use a sexual examples, because women always complain how guys are all about sex, yet women universally seem to fail to see how they can use that to their advantage in a relationship (and I don’t mean in a passive aggressive way, like pussy whipping or cockteasing, but in a healthy, rewarding way). these same women also often fail to see that sexual satisfaction and fantasy fulfillment can even be part of a man’s major dreams*, and thus be necessary for his self-actualization.
(*Many women fail to see this because for women sex is just pleasant, but nothing sexual is possibly worth aspiring to as a major dream, simply because for women it is too easy to get the sex they want in the first place. Not so for men, not even players: it costs effort for men, so they start aspiring sexual things as things which are majorly important in their life to feel accomplished. The importance of sex to men is comparable to how women devote their aspirations to longterm relationships: no guy is thinking of that shit. A longterm relationship can be enjoyable, but it is too easy to be a genuine life goal. No guy is dreaming out his whole wedding before meeting the person they want to stay with. Maybe having a family could be a guy’s goal, but keeping a girl? Nah, that comes really easy if we want to. So girls: for a guy, the value of sex = for a girl, the value of being able to keep a good guy)
Anyway, back to providing sexual satisfaction to help in self-actualisation. For example, if some dude says his dream is to have threesomes where he is the only dude, that may be something the girl is not prepared to do. On the other hand, she might not have a problem trying to fulfill the underlying motivation.
A guy may want a threesome for various reasons:
– he might want it because he feels that if the girl never did it before for anyone, but does it for him, it means she loves him so much that she naturally feels inclined to please him sexually and help him explore his sexuality in ways she never did for any other dude. If this is his underlying motivation (to feel that she is naturally inclined to do sexual things she didn’t do for any other dude, because she just feels he is such a sexually attractive man), she may actually feel that is true and be prepared to show it in other ways. She may want to do things for him she never did before, just not a threesome. And if he realizes she does things she never did before, the motivation for his dream is fulfilled, so she helped him self-actualize, and he will like her tremendously.
Of course, in this day and age where women all explore their sexuality with a guy they have no intention of staying with and of whom they don’t bother to get to know as much before sex as of someone they’d like to keep, it can be hard to convince a smart man that you genuinely have never ever done the things you do for him. Guys, and especially those who studied psychology such as myself, will assume you take liberties with the truth about your sexual past and strategically fail to mention certain truths, because frankly, most girls do and probably you do too. Heck, you ar even biologically designed to deceive men about sex related matters: your ovulation is totally hidden, just so you can cuckold easier. And you urge to please ‘sperm donors’ without wait or ever letting them deal with your family, because you are designed to collect their DNA without the keeper ever finding out you fucked some dude you hardly knew, which might make him reluctant to invest time in you. I personally believe that a girl who lets me wait for sex is lying when she says she lets every dude wait and work for her at least as long (unless she has a hymen); I will refuse to believe she never sucked dick when she says she is principally against it (she can only be that reluctant to try it because she tried it with someone who probably didn’t have good hygiene and/or came into her mouth without warning); and I will refuse to believe she never swallowed (I myself cannot cum by blowjobs, but know that the majority of men DO, and they do CUM in her mouth, so if she is unprepared to have my cum in her mouth, she respects me less than an ex, and for me that is enough of disrespect of her to me to decide that its over, because I don’t want to invest my time in a girl who did something for some other dude without a doubt while he is out of her life, not putting anymore time in her anymore (or maybe never really did in the first place), yet I am putting time in her now and she makes me feel like I am asking her an unreasonable favor. Fuck such hypocrisy and lies – I have zero tolerance for girls who do not have sex within four to seven hours spent one on one, who do not suck dick, and who do not swallow. But don’t worry girls: plenty of guys don’t mind being disrespected and treated unfair, so don’t get all defensive to my attitude. Just find yourself a sucker if you want a guy to tolerate being treated as less than any ex sexual partner.)
– he might want it, because he wants to feel he is sexually attractive to other women. While his girl may not in any way want to share him, she may not have a problem helping him feel he is attractive to other women and to help him experience it with his own eyes. So, if she provides him freedom to not only look, but also flirt with other women (or if he’s shy, she can kind of help a hand to rouse other women’s sexual interest in him), she helped him self-actualize because he gets to feel he is sexually attractive to other women.
– he might want it because he genuinely wants to have sex with more than one woman, even WHILE in a committed relationship. This is the hardest to accommodate to and requires either that the girl who agrees to fulfill this dream is not emotionally attached to him, or that she is, but that she can trust him completely to want just a committed bond with her. After all, the only reason she is jealous is not because he wants to put his dick in another woman, but because deep down she wants to be sure the connection between him and her is special, and she worries that if he fucks another woman he will stop loving her. Women want long-term relationships for feeling a connection. Well, if the connection really is special, he will always want to spend his time with her in the end, and not the other women he also had sex with. And girls, what is more sexy to know your man can get anyone, fuck anyone, and STILL comes back only to you in the end? Let me tell you, I cannot speak for other guys, but if I had a girlfriend that would help me live up to this dream, I would feel she is soooo unique that I would never ever want to lose her. Any other girlfriend who doesn’t do that is just temporary entertainment.