You have to size up the person you are attracted to, and estimate what comes easy to them in relationships, and what doesn’t.
Dating tips for guys
Generally, sex comes easier to the majority of girls than to the majority of men, but for most women finding an interesting guy who would like to stay is rather difficult. Even if she is up for just sex no strings attached, she still wants to feel a spark of chemistry and lust for you first. If you think that you lusting for her is enough motivation for her to make it mutual, you fail to make her feel valued as a person. It is crucial that you demonstrate you understand she needs to feel something too, and you do this by working her feelings for you and making her see you as an attractive man, and make her lust for you.
Guys often make the mistake of going straight for the prettiest girl they see and display interest without even having communicated with her. This way, they demonstrate to her that they fail to recognize her for who she is, because if they would actually value her as a person, they would understand that this sort of attention comes very easy to her and doesn’t make her valued as a person at all. While she may be up for casual sex, she will not be up for it with a guy that doesn’t care to talk to her first and find out what she worries about and who doesn’t understand what makes her feel she chose you rather than being pressured. It is okay to walk up to a girl because she is pretty, but not to make her feel that that is enough for you: you need to show you have criteria, and that she has to prove herself as a person to you to meet those criteria. This way you are fulfilling her fourth need on Maslow’s hierarchy: her need of feeling valued for who she is. If you have strict criteria for girls you sleep with, and she still manages to go to bed with you, it means she is special, even if it just casual, and that is what she wants to feel.
Sometimes, a guy who walks up to a pretty girl and gets in a conversation with her, may succeed in making her feel valued as a person. But if he fails to make her friend feel valued, he still will not get anywhere. If her friend feels you are just the so manieth guy that just comes to talk to her pretty friend because of her friends’ looks, she will feel you do not see her as a person at all, and she will try to convince the girl you are interested in that you are just another of those guys.
If a girl is below average looking, she will feel guys often think they do her a favor seeing her in a sexual way without caring for who she is. If you make her feel that way, kiss your chances goodbye. Everybody wants to feel valued!
Dating tips for girls
Generally, if a guy is kindhearted and somewhat interesting it takes him less effort to keep a girl after having had sex with her, than it takes for a girl who is kindhearted and interesting to be able to keep a guy after having had sex with him. So how can you make a guy feel special? There are two ways really:
1 – Make him feel that what generally comes easy to him is NOT something YOU will easily give him. So, if he is sincere, honest and well intending, don’t make him feel that is enough for you to want to stay with him. He will not feel valued, because basically every girl who has sex with such a guy wants to stay with him, simply because his character is convenient to her. On the other side of the spectrum there are the players who feels it is real easy to go to bed fast with any girl he feels attracted to. Such players will value the girl that makes him wait for sex, and gives him no’s.
2 – Make him feel that what generally comes hard to him, is something you give him easily.
For the sincere, honest, and well intending guy, make him feel you are not interested in a longterm relationship until he earned it for who he is apart from the more obvious things mentioned above. He will feel happy you want a longterm relationship if it is for things that make him unique and different from other sincere, honest, well-intending guys. For example if you want him because you are enthralled by his ambition in his favorite hobby or in his career, or want him for him being attractive to you for things that other girls find unattractive (if he is not used to getting compliments on his looks, he will really feel special about you if you do compliment him on his looks; if he is not used to girls being attracted to him when he stands up for himself with some anger and refuses her some favor, but you do show you find that attractive in him, he will feel really special about you). Also, these kind of ‘keepers’ generally experience that girls decide soon after first meeting that he is keeper material, that girls take it slow on them, and that the majority of girls generally are more reluctant to have him enjoy his sexuality unconditionally or help him explore it, compared to a less important guy in an earlier phase of her life with whom she explored her sexuality together. If for someone you think is a keeper, you go to bed with him asap after first getting to know him, he will feel real special, and if you spontaneously suck him off the first time, swallow, and optionally do things you never did for other dudes (AND MENTION THAT YOU NEVER DID THAT BEFORE!), he will feel really special about you, because most girls just make sex VERY conditional on guys they want to keep, with a no for everything he wants the first time he tries. Be different than most girls, and he will more easily feel you value him. Of course there are other ways as well, but this one is little known.
For players, they generally feel girls just respond to the games he is playing with her, but that the same girls wouldn’t really value him for those parts of him that he thinks girls are unattracted to (him showing vulnerability, him feeling sad or down sometimes, him not being manly sometimes, him having a chronic health condition, him having an unusual interest, him wanting to spend time together doing activities he likes instead of romantic outings she likes). If you can value him for the things about which he thinks and worries that it makes his real self unattractive to girls, instead of valuing him for the fun, playful, sociable guy that every girl wants to sleep with, he will feel really valued as a person and will feel special about you.
In summary, just have unconditional sex with a shy guy, and he’ll feel valued. In contrast, with a real player who thinks he can easily get to bed with any girl he wants, value him for who he is, rather than for the fun sociable guy facade he puts up to get girls into bed. You can still go to bed with him fast, but it is less crucial than with a guy who feels insecure about his sexual attractiveness and ability to get unconditionally sexually pleased. (As a girl you are unlikely to have this sort of insecurity, so showing you have understanding for it and want to prevent it from growing makes you stand out from other girls.)